Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand war.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand rape, abuse, and I especially don’t understand a lack of remorse.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand why car crashes take precious lives.

Why hurricanes and earthquakes and tsunamis surprise.

I don’t understand why people have to die.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand cancer.

I don’t understand illness.

I especially don’t understand when it happens to people who epitomize wellness.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand poverty.

I don’t understand why I feel so uncomfortable around poverty.

I don’t understand why I was born into privilege, instead of poverty.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand why I should be deserving.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand how people can be thoughtless.

How people can act without consequence.

How people can be so unconscious.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand how people can hurt one another.

How people can steal and lie.

I don’t understand how people can do it while they look me in the eye.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand why I’ve lied too.

I don’t understand why I do some of the thoughtless things that I do.

I don’t understand why I can’t be a better role model for you.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand why romance always seems to hurt.

I don’t understand why I accept less than what I deserve.

I don’t understand why I can’t see my worth.

 

arrecife

 

I don’t understand why I need validation.

Why I need compliments and affirmation.

Why I want to feel like I’m better than human.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand why I can’t just let go.

Why I hold on and hold on to what I already know.

Why it’s so difficult to trust in the unknown.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand why I judge myself against people who seem to have it all figured out.

I don’t understand why I judge people who don’t have it all figured out.

I don’t understand why I judge at all.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand why I expect myself to be perfect.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand why no matter how much yoga I do, it’s still hard for me to sit still.

Why no matter how much I meditate, my mind still won’t sit still.

Why no matter how many spirituality books I read, I’m still not enlightened.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand why no matter how much I travel, I still sometimes feel lost.

Why no matter how much I love it, sometimes I lose my wanderlust.

I don’t understand why sometimes being anywhere totally sucks.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand why sometimes I feel trapped.

Why sometimes life feels like such an arduous task.

Why I can’t always see that I’m free at last.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand why I have so much fear.

Why I lay in bed wondering, “is that an intruder I hear?”

Why I worry so often that darkness is near.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand why I wake up some mornings feeling so happy I could explode.

I don’t understand why I wake up other mornings feeling so depressed and low.

I don’t understand why I’m not the happiest person that I know.

 

Punta Mona

 

I don’t understand why no matter how much the universe gives me, sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough.

I don’t understand why I don’t always have gratitude for having so much more than enough.

I don’t understand why I rarely feel like I’m enough.

 

Punta Mona

 

And I could spend my life, just trying to understand

about why the world is this way or that way

he is who he is because of what and when

and I am who I am because of where I’ve been.

 

Punta Mona

 

But none of those rationalizations have ever given me the peace that I seek.

None of those understandings have ever offered my mind ease.

 

Punta Mona

 

So maybe for once instead of trying to understand

I’ll love the one who wants to, but maybe never can.

I’ll love her so much that every moment she sees

that LOVE, not understanding, is what this world truly needs.

 

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Hello beautiful soul,
In August 2018 I stopped blogging as This American Girl. You can now find me at my new website Earth Daughters, where I'm writing about the sacred experience of the wild woman. Hope to see you there xx
Love, Camille