I'm Sorry, But I Have to Run - This American Girl

Manuel Antonio


I’ve gotten a lot better about adjusting when I come back to the civilized world.


Santa Teresa


I struggle less in the traffic.

I shiver less in the cold.

I blend more with the crowd.


Manuel Antonio


I listen patiently as people talk in circles about their unhappiness in their jobs.

I smile and try to understand as they talk passionately about possessions and material things they have, can’t afford, or want.

I remember that I too was there once.


Puerto Viejo


I choose to see the positive in a world full of pavement.

I dance when I wake up in the morning, play with my hula hoop, walk barefoot as often as I can.

Even if people stare.




I focus on gratitude.

The joy of shopping in a grocery store, or washing my laundry, or having reliable wifi, or ordering anything I could ever want on Amazon.com.




But in truth, I’d rather eat from the trees.

I’d rather wear muddy rags.

I’d trade strong internet for a real connection.

I’d give up my kindle, Mackbook, or Canon to be back in the wild.


Puerto Viejo


I’ve gotten a lot better about surrendering when I come back to the civilized world.


Costa Rica


I concede rather than fight.

I submit rather than struggle.

I accept that this is the way things are.




Sometimes I even wonder, if maybe I could stay.


Costa Rica


I imagine myself re-cultivating.

Getting back to a steady career.

Throwing parties in my fancy apartment.

Dressed to kill in shoes that kill.


Puerto Viejo


I imagine myself re-committing.

Finding a man who’s on the path of entrapment.

Falling in love with his dreams, then awakening in a cage.


La Fortuna Waterfall


But sometimes I wonder if maybe I’m just hiding.

If the sadness and separation from the real, rawness still rules me.

If all the comforts in society can’t really soothe me.

If I’m only buying in so that I can survive.


Sloth Puerto Viejo


I wonder if I’ve lost my essence.

My inspiration.

My joyfulness.

My me-ness.


Puerto Viejo


I’ve gotten a lot better about surviving when I come back to the civilized world.


Iguana Santa Teresa


I escape into the world of my work.

I justify my existence through “progress” and persistence.

I dissolve into the online world.


Manzanillo Puerto Viejo


But I wonder if I’ve gotten better about being here, because I pretend that I’m not actually there.


Arenal Volcano


I wonder if I’m becoming one of them again.


Bri Bri Waterfall


One of them who gets road rage in traffic.

One of them who grows addicted to work and “achievement”.

One of them who looks at a screen more often than the sky.

One of them who talks through a computer most of the time.


Cabo Matapalo


I wonder if I fool myself.


Costa Rica


If I fool myself into thinking that yoga studios and green smoothies are enough.

That spending an hour a day in a park is enough.

That looking at pictures of nature on Pinterest is enough.


Puerto Viejo


Could I settle, for ‘enough’?


Puerto Viejo


But then my aching heart reminds me.


Puerto Viejo


My aching heart reminds me, how it feels to stand alone in the ocean, with no one for company but the trees.


Howler Monkey Costa Rica


My aching heart reminds me, how it feels to look into the eyes of a monkey.


Santa Teresa


My aching heart reminds me how it feels, to press my body so hard against the sand, the edges disappear and I remember who I am.


Nosara Playa Guiones


My aching heart reminds me

to run.


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