There once was girl who thought she knew how to love.
She didn’t fall often, but when she did she descended fully, intensely, recklessly. She relinquished her heart with the hopes that a man would become the bearer of her happiness. Her friendships and personal interests fell to the wayside. Finding a love “worth dying for” served as her purpose in life.
Her relationships were few but long, overlapping in wide arcs like waves at low tide, preventing her from ever being alone.
But perhaps isolation was in fact what she sought.
Her high school and college boyfriends lived in other towns, which offered built in boundaries that subconsciously made her feel safe.
In adulthood she chose a man within physical proximity, but he lived beyond an emotional moat.
In the beginning he showered her with attention and fought for her affection, making her believe that he could love her enough to change. Of course, he never did.
Instead she felt more alone in his company than in his absence. Their relationship became an energetic vortex; in the process she became devastatingly anxious and insecure.
She craved his fleeting attention like a heroin addict in need of a fix. Lifted so high by the brief rush of what she called love that she was willing to endure the let down that followed each time. Finally she fell so low she knew she had to make a change.
So she built her own boundary and put six countries between them, escaping to the jungle in Costa Rica.
She never predicted how dramatically this act would alter the course of her life.
How months later she would sell everything she owned and years later she would live out of her backpack all the way across the world in Southeast Asia.
Least of all did she expect that as soon as she arrived in the South Caribbean town of Puerto Viejo in Costa Rica, she would fall in love again.
The night she met him she was naïve and riding the rush of her new freedom. He was gorgeous, self assured, and made her laugh so hard it hurt. She hesitated initially, aware that she was leaving for Panama in a month, but as he persisted she challenged herself to accept a relationship that bore no future and no weight.
As she surrendered he brought ease to her life in an unfamiliar place. He propped her on a board and held her hand while she was pummeled by waves. He took her into the jungle and together they scaled coral caves. He chauffeured her in his car, brought gifts to her bungalow, danced with her in public, and told her constantly that she was beautiful. Tangled together in a hammock, he asked her what she loved most in life. More focused on relationships than on her own life, she honestly did not know.
On the comedown of a relationship in her home country that shattered her self-esteem, he made her feel worthy and desired. One night she even told him he was the best man she had ever known. He asked her not to leave.
But something felt off.
He pushed and pulled, open one moment and closed the next. He rarely followed through on his promises. He let her down often. She knew that the relationship couldn’t last.
A month after they met, she left for Panama with the intention of letting it go. He wrote how much he missed her, cared for her, how much he wanted to see her again. After a week without him she realized how deeply he wove his way into her heart.
So she returned.
Her homecoming was hardly how she had fantasized it. He was shocked in the worst possible way. He distanced himself immediately. He gave her the cliché excuse that he feared love and needed to protect his fragile heart. Was it true or was it a line? In her eyes he was a coward just the same.
She flew back to her home country so hurt and so confused. They kept in touch and spoke as friends, but her heart ached for him.
Months later they swapped places. He departed for the states to work, she returned to Costa Rica to relax without having to see his face.
But upon her return the small town felt hollow without him. Their memories blanketed the road, the jungle, the beach, the bars; all illusions without him there. Still she stayed, and as the weeks passed she built new memories. She began to love Puerto Viejo just the same.
Until the night she discovered that he had another life.
A life with complications he concealed to maintain a loose relationship with the latest tourist in town. A life with children and girlfriends and ex wives scattered across the globe. A life that he enacted in the evenings after they swam together at the beach and in the mornings after he lay with her in her bed. A life she had absolutely no idea of no matter how deeply he had stared into her eyes or how softly he had pressed his lips against hers or how many hours they spent listening to Brazilian music and telling each other stories about their lives.
It broke her.
She wondered: was any of it real? Was it all just a lie? Was she special to him like he said or was she just another Western woman he collected to build his ego? She questioned her own judgment. How could her intuition have failed her in knowing that it was all so wrong? How could she possibly trust herself again?
She began to see that it was an epidemic in Puerto Viejo. She saw men with girlfriends and children and wives seeking foreign flings every Saturday night. She met woman after woman who lived the same story as her.
“All men are shit.”
“It’s not possible to find love here.”
The bitter words of scorned women permeated the town and soon became her own.
She began to doubt love altogether. Men and relationships were dangerous and her heart couldn’t handle another hit. So she pursued her passion for travel. She wandered alone though South America, Europe, Africa, and across the United States. Content in her celibacy, romance was the last thing she wanted to taste.
Finally she returned to Puerto Viejo.
She devoted herself to her yoga and her writing. She cared for herself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. She took responsibility for the course of her life. She became the woman she always knew she could be: strong and centered, channeling her energy into her own development rather than a relationship’s.
In the process she considered that what she once called love, was not love after all. She saw that releasing was more loving than clinging. She understood that a relationship could last a day or a lifetime and be full of love just the same. Most importantly she accepted that love breathed in every molecule of every creation on Earth.
Then she saw him again. He returned from the states, stunned to see her nine months after her tearful goodbye. He was shaking as he spoke. He remembered every word they shared, every email they exchanged; he remembered things she had forgotten.
“I can’t believe how happy I am to see you,” he said still shaking.
When she told him about her adventures in Morocco, in Belize, in Spain, he asked if she recalled the day in the hammock when he asked what she loved most in life. “Travel,” she said with a smile. She had grown and transformed as a woman yet her feelings for him hadn’t changed.
They talked for hours that night like old friends until he kissed her, telling her his feelings for her remained.
But this time she knew better. She felt validated in his feelings for her while aware of his mountain of lies. Her mind flickered between anger and bliss; distrust and peace. She questioned him persistently until finally, he admitted the truth. She thought that was the end.
She was wrong.
Over the year that followed, each time she returned to Puerto Viejo he managed to affect her life. At times he pulled her into his arms when she walked by, others he pretended she was invisible.
When she saw him in bars fingering blonde, brunette, curly, and silky straight strands, touching the smalls of backs, and staring into foreign eyes, she learned not to cry and she tried not to care.
She constantly fought the gravity that pulled her towards him.
In her attempt to be safe her heart turned hard. Friends told her she had shut down. Reiki masters and tarot readers and massage therapists who knew nothing of her life intuitively sensed she had to let go or she would never let love in. She longed for her former softness and vulnerability.
To break down her emotional barriers, once again she built physical ones. An entire ocean to be exact.
Asia felt gentle and loving. She felt safe. As far from Puerto Viejo as she could imagine, her walls crumbled. She began to trust the people around her and accept new friends. As much as it scared her, after two years alone, she even fell in love again.
This new relationship resurfaced her issues with men that settled deeper than her Costa Rican fling. She identified her lifelong fear of vulnerability and fought against her self-defenses to let this man in. They knew one another for mere days but to her it felt like a lifetime. Their connection was electric but he represented everything that she had fought to leave behind. In his presence she questioned her path and her direction.
She found herself reverting back to the woman she was before her travel life. The less he gave the more she felt the urge to cling. And like the rest of the men who she grew from in the past, he came with built in boundaries. Like the man who lied to her in Puerto Viejo, he too had another life.
Being with him showed her that she did want to find love again. But this time she wanted love that lifted her up instead of love that pulled her down. She wanted love that flowed easily and abundantly instead of an obstacle course of blockages, no matter how interesting that sometimes was.
When their path split she thought she let her old story go.
However she still held onto its deepest theme: she did not deem herself worthy of love. No matter how wide she drew her boundaries for protection or how tirelessly she fought to break them down, this belief still lived in the fibers of her soul.
She continued her journey, falling in love with countries and culture instead of men. She opened her heart to the beautiful world and allowed it to heal her and its complexities to break her, over and over again.
On the coast of Cambodia one day she met a woman who also called Puerto Viejo home. Fated to have met, this woman knew the girlfriend of the same Costa Rican who had rocked her world years before. He and this girlfriend had a three-year-old child. She knew of his girlfriend’s existence now for over a year but the girlfriend had never known of hers.
When the friend asked if she knew this man, she couldn’t hold onto the lie any longer. What were the chances of this encounter all the way across the world? Like the Thai, the Vietnamese, the Lao, the Khmer, she believed in karma.
Pain she had buried and released over the years flooded the lives of others as her secrets were exposed. This man blamed her for revealing their past and his girlfriend blamed her for not revealing enough.
She blamed herself for everything.
She blamed herself for not outing him sooner. She blamed herself for outing him at all. She blamed herself for feeling hurt for so long when perhaps what they had meant so little. She blamed herself for allowing this hurt to initiate a destructive pattern in her life. She blamed herself for not being a selflessly compassionate friend to the mother of his child. She blamed herself for not taking better care of herself. She blamed herself for not being lovable enough to be the woman instead of the other woman.
Escaping the messages of others and the messages in her mind, she looked to meditation. There she finally heard her soul speak.
“You will never find love. You will never find love. You will never find love.”
Her soul felt these words deeper than she knew. This fear is what drove her to passionately pursue relationships when she was so young and this fear is what drove her to escape them as she grew older. She felt both compassion and anger towards her own being.
Why was the universe forcing her to address this now? She wanted to work on her physical fitness, her friendships, and her business. She wanted to enjoy her travels, learn about the culture, and explore her surroundings not herself. She did not want to do this karmic work. But more than anything, she did not want to ride this wave again.
The universe presented her with a choice: continue down the path that she already knew or take a chance on a different one full of possibility.
So she called on the adventurer within her who propelled her to travel more than two years ago. The adventurer who cut her karmic ties and embarked on a spiritual journey around the world. She called on its strength, its will, and its unfaltering intuition.
She called on that force once again to help her find a new way.
Wow so heartfelt and honest. The saying is so true, isn’t it?:
We all must love ourselves first, then we can love others.
I send you love and light!
Thanks Jessica 🙂
Life is not fair. Welcome to the world. Life is a journey. Your blog indicates your roadmap is revealing the true value of a meaningful relationship. These experiences are necessary to make us the person we were created and intended to be. All is preparation for the unimaginable satisfaction of discovering what true love is and an authentic appreciation for it when we receive it. The important thing is to remember to continue to allow love. It’s what is planned for us and makes life worth living. GOD bless you on your journey.
Thank you Mike
What an amazing piece of writing sharing an honest experience I know myself and many other wonderful women have lived. Your heart is so open and so alive and that is such a beautiful thing. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing inner self with the world.
Thank you so much for reading 🙂
I love you! you must be my soul sister. thank you for your nakedness. <3
<3
Absolutely raw beautiful love story. It’s amazing how hard and far we are willing to reach outside of ourselves to find what we always have within us. Learn from your lessons and study partners, nothing is every a waste of time and wisdom comes exactly when it’s supposed to as long as you are listening. Thank you for sharing this piece of you.
Thank you Cija, your comments are always so nice to read 🙂
I have been so quiet on your blog although I read all your entries. I miss you and our fun times together in PV, both on a similar path of finding self-love and acceptance. Thank you for always sharing your vulnerabilities with your readers, Camille. You make it easier for the rest of us to do so too. Much love from sunny upstate NY! xoxoxo
Thank you darling I miss you too. I hope we can reunite again somewhere?? We’ve gotta make dinner together, talk loudly about our escapades, and then accidentally summon a snake lol!
I felt carried right along with your journey. You and I are very similar, in that we learn many of our lessons through relationships.
Karmic relationships are so tough! We feel such a soul connection to certain individuals, but that doesn’t mean we are meant to be with them. Doing the inner-work around these is never easy. It involves growing pains and confronting things that aren’t so pleasant. But, oh, is it worth it!
Wishing you lots if love.
Thank you my dear, hope to meet you in BKK 🙂
I can relate to this SO wholeheartedly. I’ve only been following your blog for a few months, but you are a beautiful person and writer. And the way you express your emotions here, I feel each and every one. You are me. I hope to get to SEA one day and maybe our paths will cross!
Thank you so much 🙂 I’ll be in the states soon so perhaps see you there!
I love this hun but maybe not for the obvious reason. I love it because it shows that despite what we KNOW, our hearts have to heal and move on when our souls are ready and not before.
We can know that they’re wrong for us. That they’ve cheated. That we fell for their lies. But we have to be ready to let them go in our hearts before we can truly move on and that’s why I love this piece of writing because it shows that until you loved yourself more, you attached your self-worth to them and they never deserved that much credit. It’s lovely to read how much love and respect you now have for yourself!
I fell head over heels for a man who never deserved my heart or tears. I lost our baby (though never told him) and he stole a huge piece of who I was. It wasn’t until I discovered he was cheating on his more recent girlfriend (and told her a bunch more lies) that I became angry instead of sad and realised that even though I can miss our baby, I never have to miss him again and that makes my heart feel a little more whole 🙂
Keep writing honestly lovely; we appreciate it! xx
Thank you Toni for sharing with me a piece of you. It’s brought me peace realizing that we simply go through the process again and again until we really learn the lesson and are able to move on. I try to treat myself with compassion while I’m stuck in the cycle and remind myself that if I want it to stop I have the power to make that happen. <3
Oh, how I feel your words. How they pierce into my very own soul, although my journey is unique only to me. The feelings, the journey, the lessons, though, are tangential. It’s a treat to have found your blog, because although I’ve never met you I’m drawn to your words for the adventures we choose are of the same fabric. And now, reading your raw, real, heartfelt words, I must let you know how deeply I appreciate reading these emotions articulated so beautifully and truthfully. And how deeply I wish that there was no hurt and that love bubbled over from everyone’s being into everyone else’s. I have come to learn that without loss we never understand gain. Without exposure we cannot value groundedness and shelter. Without struggle we know not satisfaction. It’s a balance, and it’s always worth it, but that does not make times of strife (especially love-related) any more fun to walk through.
Thank you for being real. Thank you for sharing your story with us. And please know that I am sending you so much light and love and fullness.
Thank you for your beautiful words. It touches me to know that my writing touched you <3
Darling, this is so powerful and exquisite. It brings me to tears. You are such a beautiful soul and you will find a love that lifts you up. But beyond that, you have the sort of love that lifts us all up. Keep adventuring, keep smiling <3
Wow thank you, what a nice compliment Rebecca <3
Lovely story. So honest and from the heart. I love reading your stuff as you seem to view things very similar to myself, reminds me I’m not alone in this crazy world.
This spoke to me so much:
“Why was the universe forcing her to address this now? She wanted to work on her physical fitness, her friendships, and her business. She wanted to enjoy her travels, learn about the culture, and explore her surroundings not herself. She did not want to do this karmic work. But more than anything, she did not want to ride this wave again.”
Going through a similar journey myself. Finding myself reverting back to old habits. Wondering why I’m betraying my intuition, clinging instead of letting go of what I know isn’t right. I know its all apart of my journey and in the end I’ll be stronger but along the way I can’t help to feel so confused/annoyed/over emotional as to why this is all happening now as I’m trying to enjoy the last of my days in Australia.
Anyways, thank you for this. Please keep them coming 🙂
Thank you for sharing that with me Mariana. You might find this post I wrote helpful if you feel like you’re reverting back to old habits, I’ve definitely been there:
https://www.thisamericangirl.com/2014/02/03/need/
THIS journey is the most amazing of all. “Love” is such a magical, fantastical destination. It’s almost impossible to say which love, what love was best in our journey until we finally arrive at the end of our life and . . . . look back. You’ll find it, Camille. It’s there for you!
Thank you 🙂
Ah Camille! What a beautiful and honest post, and an all too familiar story of love in Puerto Viejo. This brought tears to my eyes.
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Katy, I really appreciate your comment 🙂
LOVE the red boots at the top of the story. “There’s no place like home!”
Thank you 🙂 They’re vintage Spanish boots. I bought them for $30 at a shop called Vintage Angel in Seattle, link at the bottom of this post: https://www.thisamericangirl.com/2013/09/16/seattle-my-hometown/
Oh why can I relate to this post a lot! I had been fortunate as well to meet people along the way when I travel and I can only wish that may you truly find the love that you deserve.
Much love from the Philippines 🙂
Thank you dear! Can’t wait to go to the Philippines. I will let you know when I do 🙂
I left an abusive relationship two years ago. It took me a long time to understand that I accepted the love I thought I deserved and I have spent the last two years trying to heal and trust again.
These words felt like they could be my own. Being close to you in age also makes it feel that much more relatable. Thank you for writing the words I cannot always express.
Thank you for sharing your story Leah. The more I realize we all go through the same things the more manageable it all feels. <3
Hi Camille,
I’m not sure if you are interested in personality theory, but it seems that the guys you chose are the “salesman” ESTP types (MBTI theory). They may seem charming at first, but lack substance, and ultimately superficial and shallow.
There are good men out there who you might not notice at first, and will win your heart in the end, but they are hard to find because they are not the types to pick up women at bars and restaurants, especially in exotic locales.
Anyhow, for a bit of a different sort of perspective, you might check out Penelope Trunk’s blog. She has very strong opinions, and a lot of people might not agree with her, but she has interesting insights for consideration.
http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2013/01/07/how-to-pick-a-husband-if-you-want-to-have-kids/
Anyhow, I always enjoy your beautiful sentiments and hope you will update us from Seattle!
-Logan
Thank you so much Logan 🙂 I will definitely check it out! I have a guest post coming out this week with my feelings on coming back home that I will share with you all in my Newsletter!
This is way too beautiful. It is our pains and struggles that define us, so don’t be afraid of the scars. May you always find happiness and joy through the little things in life. May you always find within you the the courage to restart and write your own happy ending cos you’re amazing just the way you are 🙂 <3
Thank you so much Sara 🙂
Feeling ill after reading your self indulgent drivel. You should go back to collecting shoes.
Such a compliment that my writing affected you so much! 🙂
I’m happy to hear you are doing the hard work necessary to grow so that you will someday have what it is you want. Dating in general, at least as an adult, is often a horrible experience. Somebody always seems to get hurt. But I say ‘never give up!’
Do you think you could be attacted to someone who is not a manipulator or a bad boy? It’s kinda like a catch-22, the guys who stand out in a crowd or who are able to attract women usually have more women than they know what to do with. Women say that wan’t a “good” guy but don’t give them the time of day. I’m not complaining. I’ve learned to be a mix of both. I’m a good guy but have learned how to come across as a bit of a bad boy so women won’t just blow me off. I’ve learned to play the game, even though I hate the game.
Hm, not exactly sure how to answer that question. I think what it comes down to is loving ourselves enough to know that we’re worth more than aloof treatment, and feeling secure enough to authentically be ourselves. I don’t think it’s a “bad boy” that women want, rather someone confident in being themselves.
Thanks for bravely sharing your story. I can relate.
Thank you Ann 🙂
I really enjoy your honesty in this post. My ego keeps me from admitting similar things to myself. To feel safe in sharing vulnerability is a huge accomplishment.
Even after our discussion I still fell into a “romantic fling” of my own in PV. It was a total rollercoaster ride that ended poorly for me. I tried to take it in stride as it was all an experience. But when I left I realized how meaningless it was to this other person and I sank into crazy new/old levels of insecurity for about two weeks after I returned home. I guess I can thank him for bringing some issues to light. It explains the “how on earth did I even let this person in at all to begin with?
I thought I was past certain things…” This interaction just reminded me that I am not. And how unsettling that was.
Keeping your heart open after these experiences is difficult… But ultimately I think these people show us things about ourselves and for that reason alone the time was not wasted. Who we invite into our lives and how we allow people to treat us says volumes.
PS. I wish the blog haters were more literate and could explain themselves intelligibly. Instead of being a dick in comments perhaps provide constructive feedback versus just being insulting. Clearly you took the time to read and comment… Sad you felt the need to go out of your way to hurt another person who did nothing but share her thoughts on her own blog. Pretty pathetic that your hobbies are trolling blogs that are clearly of no interest to you only to send messages bashing someone else.
Self indulgent? It’s a blog… Her personal account of an event. What do you expect? What do you call someone who attacks others in their down time… Petty and malicious? Find better things to do if this type of conversation is of disinterest to you maybe?
Gabrielle thank you for sharing your experience. Heartbreak is something we’ve all been through and I’ve found it helps to share. Keep in mind that you will never fully grasp what your relationship meant to someone else, and by focusing instead on what it meant to you, that’s where the growth happens.
“She blamed herself for not being lovable enough to be the woman instead of the other woman”.
im a man but this is exactly how i feel right now, u touched the deepest sentiments in my soul and alowed me for the first time to admit that this is exactky how i feel.
thanks
Thank you so much it’s nice to hear a male perspective. I’m touched that it opened something within you. Sending you positive vibes on your path of healing <3
Hi Camille! I really love your blog. I just started to read your blog this November 2014, I accidentally read it and I can’t resist to read it one by one…I love every word….very inspiring and interesting….
Travelling is one of the reasons why I have to save up money. To live simply and to travel widely.
I started to travel 2008, though it is only in Asia and the Philippines (my country), for the reason that you can take a break from working so hard. And have a “family time and me time”. And like running ( I’m a runner), you must try out of your comfort zone to courage zone…so don’t rush, take your time and be happy. Take time to see the beauty around you.
I’m soooo blessed to have a husband who is very loving, supportive, good provider and flexible. We have two kids, both are boys, 15 and 9 years old. We are a happy family and we love to travel and love natures, we also simple love running, swimming, food trip and all simple things that makes me, hubby and kids happy. It is always fun to spend time with family. Being truly blessed is having a life full of the things that money cant buy.
About love and life , I always believe that ” the life and love you make is the love and life you live” and “life doesnt make you happy, you make your life happy”. You cant always make memories. For a working parent like us time with our children is so precious. So we find activities that both parent and children enjoy doing together.
Sorry if my comments is not related in this article, I just carried away with all your articles that I read.
Thank you Camille you really an inspiration to me. God bless!
Aw thank you so much Rochelle thank you for sharing. It sounds like you and your family have such a beautiful life <3
Woah! you people are amazing this story is so heartfelt.
You are a huge inspiration to me Camille Willemain, my dream is to live this lifestyle one day!
Thank you so much Misha <3
I never participate in blogs but I was drawn to yours. Please take it as a compliment, not a reproach in any sort of way…
A term I read last year in a history book about the Pueblo People as ‘tethered nomads’. I think that describes really well what you are living.
I really connect to most everything you share in your blog except for one thing, your insistence that you cannot have a relationship because of your nomadic lifestyle.
I once met a Tibetan Rimpoche who said in one of his lectures: “You manifest or create your partner”. He was about 75 and didn’t speak a word of English yet just his presence was enough to understand much more than spoken words. I was fascinated. He was one of the speakers at a conference of elders full of amazing knowledge, most of which beyond my comprehension I’m afraid.
I let that percolate for several months before I think I understood what he meant. We spend a lot of time researching the perfect camera, computer, car, home, etc but we wait for the perfect companion to show up. Once I figured that out, I started a list for a suitable partner. The list took 18 months to complete and what was interesting is that I kept meeting people who matched where my list was at. It helped me refined my list.
For example I asked for someone that could one day play in the mud barefoot but could be in a tux that evening to enjoy a symphony. I did meet that guy however he always boasted about being able to do that! I wanted someone who likes to travel, I also met him but that was all he wanted and a partnership was not possible, again I refined my wish list. I asked for someone good at fixing things and willing to show me. I met her and she fell in love with me but I wasn’t ready for a woman in my life at that point.
The trick here is to learn from all previous relationships because you were obviously attracted to at least one or more things in each of these people. Add them to your list as you go.
It took me 18 months but somehow I knew when my list was finished. My last request was that I wanted someone to keep me honest with myself and supported me in what I wanted to do. Two days later I met Mike and boy does he keep me honest with myself. We have been together 26 years.
I don’t often share this as most people think it is crazy so I don’t waste my time. You seem to be open to idea so I’m giving it a shot. What I find is that people are afraid of asking for what they truly want. My sister kept telling me she only wanted a weekend boyfriend because of her career. I told her ask for it and know it’s ok. Not all relationships have to follow the same pattern. She did and eventually met a beautiful man who, also, only wanted a weekend relationship. They have been together 20 years.
A girlfriend of mine didn’t want to have her own kids but wanted to be around them in a very close way. Why not ask for a partner already with kids and what about getting along with the mother of these kids even though she’s his ex. Well – you know where that went. They have been together a long time and she’s like their god mother and able to watch them grow, mature, make mistakes, etc
I am also a traveler but my partner likes to sleep in his own bed every night so we sail around the world in between other adventures.
I have another friend with 3 kids of high school and college ages. She has been a single mom forever thinking she’d had to wait for the kids to be out of the house before finding a mate. I sat down with her and asked her what she really wanted and we started the list. She didn’t believe me and left it idle on her desk for 10 months. I teased her once more one afternoon as I was leaving for Mexico and she promised me to look at it again. A few short weeks later she emailed me to say she met someone a two hour drive away from her home. They just got married and he is very accepting of her kids.
Anyway – – – all that to say the Rimpoche as was mentioning about above, presented us with his wife. She was an absolutely beautiful young person who spoke 7 languages and was his translator…
Give it a try but make sure you are ready, this is powerful stuff. You may still meet a few unsuitable people but remember they are there to help you refine what you truly want.
This is part of the adventure.
PS: Would you like to share what is or are your muses on one of your ramblings? Thank you
Oh my goodness thank you so much for this comment!! You are the THIRD reminder I’ve gotten that I need to write out the man I want to attract in the last week. I do flower card readings for myself (oracle cards by Doreen Virtue) and pulled a card that instructed me to do this, and then a few days later I did a reading for a friend who pulled the same card. So, after reading your comment, I actually did it last night in my journal. One thing I should mention, I wrote this post over a year ago and have done a lot of emotional healing since then. In fact, I did write him out many times in the past, and he came to me, only he wasn’t the right one. It frustrated and confused me, making me question my intuition. However what you’ve just described here brought it all to clarity. I’m going to keep writing until I get it right 🙂 Thank you again for sharing your wisdom <3
Just read this post after following the link from your new post. Wow, girl! This is amazing. And I felt your heartbreak resonate within me as I read it. Can’t wait to read the next part.
Thank you sweetie <3 What's not included in this post, is that at the exact time all this was happening, a guy I had met a few months before in Cambodia, now had a girlfriend, which I knew, but he was lying about it and sending me flirtatious messages on Facebook. So while I was dealing with this whole Costa Rica love triangle, I was also dealing with a Cambodia love triangle. I confronted him, the girlfriend asked me what was going on, I told her the truth. She was very cold to me for the rest of my time there, I didn't speak to him, but then my final day, on my way to Bangkok, they were BOTH on the same bus as me!!! She ended up apologizing to me, and telling me that she wished she had given me a chance because she thinks we would have been friends.
No way! That sounds something like out of a movie instead of real life! You deserve a no drama relationship stat!
Girl, I know it!! My heart is ready <3 I just need to open my arms for receiving.
Love Love Love this story! You are an inspiration to authenticity and truth.
Would like to know what type of camera you are using too! I like the blurred affect in the foreground and backgrounds of some of the photos.
Thank you so very much Joy! (I love your name by the way!!) I use a Canon Powershot (various models) set to miniature mode 🙂
The theme of this story, particularly the beginning where the love was so intoxicating that the fleeting, ephemeral moments of his attention were worth the disappointments, mirrors a recent experience. This resonates with me. Well done!
I loved this story. I am having a very difficult time with relationships. I am currently in a relationship that has not been going well. His youngest child is 14 and she has done all kinds of things to come between us. He never gives me the courtesy to let me know when she’s coming until he shows up at home with her. When I bring it up he asks me what the problem is. He cant see how rude this is. Last night, not the 1st time, he said i am so tired of coming home. Im so tired of being sad. Yet, he never does anything to change anything, he never leaves and he never wants to do anything with me. I have been working on my journey and am getting stronger, but have been unable to leave the relationship. Physically I am recovering from a major surgery and have another injury to deal with. I have my own demons I am battling with. How do I continue to move forward and heal? I have read your others stories btw.