Padang Padang

 

When I hit publish, I never anticipated my most recent post would cause such a controversy.

 

Hue Vietnam

 

I want to clarify in case there was any confusion: my post was not an announcement on changes to my trip, my style of travel, or my path in life.

 

Uluwatu Bali

 

No one forced this journey on me, I chose it. I actively choose it every day. Being dirty in the jungle, sleeping in a dorm, and eating on the street brings me much more joy than an all inclusive resort ever could.

 

Hue Vietnam

 

But sometimes it wears on me.

 

Uluwatu Bali

 

My aim with this blog has always been to write from a place of truth. As much as I love this lifestyle and as blessed as I am to have it, it is, like me, imperfect. It takes courage and sacrifice; anyone who has lived nomadically will tell you that. Not having the comfort of a nice bed, the intimacy of family and friends, and the security of a constant paycheck to name a few.

 

Hoi An Vietnam

 

While you have all been wonderfully supportive, negative responses, particularly hateful emails from a former long time fan, have affected me more than I would like to admit. I have been called entitled, spoiled, fake, two faced, narcissistic, and worse.

 

Uluwatu Bali

 

I have felt distracted and low.

I have begun to question myself.

 

Hue Vietnam

 

Maybe I am entitled. Maybe I am spoiled. Maybe I am narcissistic.

 

Uluwatu Bali

 

Maybe

considering how fortunate I am

I have no right

to ever complain

or suffer

at all.

 

Hoi An Vietnam

 

My nomad problems

are first world problems

white girl problems

champagne problems.

 

Hoi An Vietnam

 

I should shut up and appreciate all that I have.

 

Uluwatu Bali

 

I am sitting here typing on my macbook, listening to my iPod, configuring my GoPro, while an entire Indonesian family waits on me.

 

Hoi An Vietnam

 

There are people in this country who can’t even feed their children, meanwhile, I have the privilege to turn down a free meal because it has wheat or msg.

 

Balangan Bali

 

I think I’m roughing it when I take cold showers, yet on Koh Rong many locals do not even have WATER in which to bathe, at times to even DRINK.

 

Uluwatu Bali

 

In Vietnam I felt slighted and scammed, but my country raped and mutilated their people and completely destroyed their land.

 

Cambodia Tuk Tuk

 

I want so much to understand, to empower, to LOVE everyone that I meet, but instead I capture them in an image, put it on my blog, and let others live vicariously through a fantasy, while the source of my material continues to live in poverty.

 

Balangan Bali

 

While they pick up rubbish in the sweltering heat, carry baskets of fruit on their shoulders, pick rice in the fields, or accommodate spoiled bratty tourists like me, I sit here writing about my struggles, my hopes, and my dreams.

 

An Bang Vietnam

 

And you know what?

 

An Bang Vietnam

 

THAT MAKES ME FEEL FUCKING GUILTY.

 

Uluwatu Bali

 

Why should I deserve to feel sad, uncomfortable, broken, or scared

when even at my poorest I come from one of the richest countries in the world

 

Hue Vietnam

 

when even with their flaws my parents are alive, supportive, and love me

 

Uluwatu Bali

 

when even with food poisoning, motorbike injuries, a cough, a cold, I am young, resilient, and well

when I have my arms, my legs, my sight, and my mind.

 

Hoi An Vietnam

 

When I have the luxury to even ask the questions

“Who am I?”

“What is my path?”

“What do I want?”

 

Uluwatu Bali

 

Who am I to EVER voice a single concern?

 

Hue Vietnam

 

I will tell you who I am.

 

I AM HUMAN.

 

Bingin Bali

 

And every human life has struggle.

That is how we grow.

Every human life has pain.

That is what gives us compassion.

 

Hoi An Vietnam

 

I may never comprehend the ache of another man or woman’s plight

but by sharing my dreams, my hopes, my fears, and my IMPERFECTIONS

even when they are ugly and people don’t want to look at them

I hope that maybe, sometimes, you might feel a little less alone.

 

Padang Padang

 

My problems may not be the worst problems

but they are MINE.

 

An Bang Vietnam

 

These are the consequences of the choices that I have made

and the cards that the universe has dealt me.

 

Balangan Bali

 

Instead of feeling guilty

and comparing my hand to someone elses’

the best that I can do is examine what I’ve got to work with

gain perspective

and GROW.

 

An Bang Vietnam

 

If you understand and respect that

then you understand and respect me.

 

Padang Padang

 

If you don’t

here is the good news

you don’t have to ever come back to read.

 

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Hello beautiful soul, 

In August 2018 I stopped blogging as This American Girl. Six years ago I started this blog with a simple desire to share my heart and ended up creating a revolution among millions of free spirits wanting something greater for their lives. And now, it's time to keep growing together. If you want to take a quantum leap in what you can create in your reality, I invite you to join The Freedom Tribe, where I share all of my guidance for the freedom lifestyle. Then, hop over to my new website camillewillemain.com where I'm sharing my new message and brand. Thank you for your interest and investment in This American Girl, whether today or for many years. Wishing you a bright and beautiful continuation of your journey. 

So much love,
Camille