Balangan

 

I don’t want to stay

in another cluttered

noisy dorm room.

 

Balangan

 

I don’t want to ask

and answer

the same tired questions:

 

Balangan

 

“Where have you been,”

“Where are you going,”

“Where are you from?”

 

Balangan

 

I don’t want to interact

on a level

of continuous superficiality

with people

who I will never see again.

 

Balangan

 

I don’t want to drink from a bucket

dance with teenagers

or sleep with earplugs.

 

Balangan

 

I don’t want to track every penny

haggle over a dollar

and lose opportunities

because I’m too poor.

 

Balangan

 

Maybe, I don’t want to be a backpacker anymore.

 

Balangan

 

I want to experience a place

without the limitations of the cost;

luxury cocktails on a rooftop

and dollar noodles in the street.

 

Balangan

 

I want to take hot showers

and sleep in real beds

then walk in dirty dusty markets

and lay awake on overnight trains.

 

Balangan

 

I want silence and isolation

I want quiet and calm

so I can process and express

the chaos I just saw.

 

Balangan

 

I want to spend my time

with people

who inspire me to do more

who really want to know me

and be known in return.

 

Balangan

 

I want to create

a sustainable business

that supports me and those I love

without the destruction of consumerism

without the stress of the modern world.

 

Balangan

 

I want the comfort of knowing

it’s ok for me to complain or to cry

without losing my ability

to soothe myself from the inside.

 

Balangan

 

I want to give back

to the places where I visit

change their lives like they changed mine

instead of constantly searching

for how I can survive.

 

Balangan

 

I want the chance to find love

to have a relationship

perhaps even a home;

without the monotony of normalcy

the boredom of what I’ve known.

 

Balangan

 

Maybe I’m asking for too much

maybe I sound spoiled

but if I’m being real

I want a life with everything

 

Balangan

 

 I want to have it all.

 

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Hello beautiful soul,
In August 2018 I stopped blogging as This American Girl. You can now find me at my new website Earth Daughters, where I'm writing about the sacred experience of the wild woman. Hope to see you there xx
Love, Camille