Camille Willemain This American Girl

 

I remember when belonging did not matter.

I would run in circles naked in my yard screaming “I’m jungle boy.”

 

Camille Willemain This American Girl

 

I had a bowl cut from repeatedly snipping my hair when my mom wasn’t looking.

I thought shredded carrots with balsamic vinegar was better than candy.

 

little corn island rocks

 

I wore leotards with stirrups

thickly applied lipstick to my top lip, left the bottom lip bare

and basically thought I was the coolest person in the entire world.

 

starfish beach bocas del toro

 

And then one day

just being me wasn’t enough anymore.

 

I wanted to belong.

 

pike place market walking

 

Somehow I snagged a seat with the cool kids

but everything that made me different brought me shame.

 

Camille Willemain This American Girl

 

I was acutely aware that I was the only one without designer jeans

the only one with divorced parents

the one who said bizarre outspoken things

the one that no one ever seemed to understand.

 

Camille Willemain This American Girl

 

So I tried to be normal.

I tried to belong.

 

Camille Willemain This American Girl

 

When I started traveling

I was introduced to a world where normal did not exist.

 

Where belonging meant nothing

because people don’t own places

and places don’t own people.

 

Camille Willemain This American Girl

 

The more I traveled the more I saw

that everyone is different

that everyone is odd

and that at times everyone feels alone.

 

Camille Willemain This American Girl

 

I began to wonder

if I am actually as strange as I feel

or if we are all a slough of misfits

expressing a mere reflection of the normalcy around us.

 

Camille Willemain This American Girl

 

If we have to leave that normalcy behind

and enter a place of complete unknown

before we begin to become on the outside

what we actually feel on the inside.

 

Camille Willemain This American Girl

 

Now back in Seattle

in the place where I always longed to belong

I feel like I relate to no one and no one relates to me.

 

This American Girl

 

In the past I retreated to the comfort of Puerto Viejo

the only place that ever felt like home.

 

Camille Willemain This American Girl

 

But I no longer feel the invisible string that has connected my heart to Costa Rica since the day I got on that plane.

 

I finally feel ready to let it go.

I finally feel ready to open myself to something new.

That is more terrifying and more freeing that I can explain.

 

Camille Willemain This American Girl

 

It leaves me wondering

where do I belong?

 

Camille Willemain This American Girl

 

A month from my next global adventure

I find myself hoping to find my new Puerto Viejo.

 

Hoping that I will find a place again where I feel like I belong.

 

Camille Willemain This American Girl

 

Maybe I will and maybe I won’t.

Maybe that feeling of belonging won’t last forever.

Maybe I am meant to wander.

 

Camille Willemain This American Girl

 

And as different as it makes me

maybe that is ok.

 

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Hello beautiful soul, 

In August 2018 I stopped blogging as This American Girl. Six years ago I started this blog with a simple desire to share my heart and ended up creating a revolution among millions of free spirits wanting something greater for their lives. And now, it's time to keep growing together. If you want to take a quantum leap in what you can create in your reality, I invite you to join The Freedom Tribe, where I share all of my guidance for the freedom lifestyle. Then, hop over to my new website camillewillemain.com where I'm sharing my new message and brand. Thank you for your interest and investment in This American Girl, whether today or for many years. Wishing you a bright and beautiful continuation of your journey. 

So much love,
Camille