In one week I return to Seattle.
After exactly one year of travel.
With no home.
No car.
No money.
No plan.
And right now, what I feel, is afraid.
Afraid of where I am.
Afraid of where I am going.
Afraid of returning to where I once was.
The fear is permeating my every move.
Prohibiting me from letting go and enjoying my time in this present moment.
Filling my mind with chatter.
Bringing my old friend anxiety for a visit.
And while I am still holding on
to this fear
I know
that it is not my friend.
Why do I, why do we all
allow fear of what has happened in the past
or what has not even happened at all
control
the way we are living in the present?
Is it because we are scared
to be happy?
To succeed?
To defy our negativity with positivity?
To challenge the paradigms we have believed all of our lives with ideas that actually inspire us?
Remember
there is no can or can not.
There is no should or should not.
There is only want or do not want.
So if you want
if you truly want
then stop being afraid
and instead
just let.
Just be.
Now, in this moment, I remind myself
that my fear is not serving me
and I can let it go.
I can lift myself in ways I thought impossible.
I can achieve what I feared I could never.
I can live exactly the way that I want to live.
All because
the fear that held me back in the past
is no longer there.
What are you afraid of?
Can you let it go
and trust
that everything you want and need
is possible?
If you allow it to be?
Let go.
You have nothing to fear.
I promise.
Oh my goodness. What a timely post. I just got back from 15 months of travel through Australia, New Zealand, Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. Today I have told myself that it is time to start looking for jobs. I don’t know what kind of job I’m looking for but hope that, with faith, the right one will find me. It’s so easy to be afraid of what comes next, even though it’s not completely unknown. It’s hard being back (I forget how hard it is every time!). To start again from scratch: no job, no car, no home, no close friends. But I’m trying to remind myself that this is just a time of transition towards the kind of life that I want to be living. I’m going to try to let go of the fear that I will be stuck in this really hard moment forever. Thank you for your words and reminding me that we are not alone.
Thank you for sharing Danielle. Wow, Australia, New Zealand, and Asia, sounds like my next big trip! I hope that your travels have led you closer towards knowing what you want for this next phase in your life. Remember, you have the ability to manifest any type of career or life that you want, and that may be the scariest part of all! Try to enjoy this time and the challenge it presents, because it’s when things are difficult that the real growing begins. Best of luck in your next adventure!
Camille,I know that coming back is a big deal, but I also know that you are a changed woman. (But you’re still my baby and I can’t wait to see you!!!) I have complete confidence you will work it out and I’m not worried about you. You’ve inspired me this year. Love you Mom
Thanks Mom, looking forward to this next phase of greek yogurt, quinoa salad, movies, art museums, bars with atmosphere, and reliable internet. Love you.
I appreciate everything you share with the world–your words, your adventures, your beautiful spirit– but I especially love these little moments when I can feel your vulnerability. It makes me feel less alone, and it makes me know that I can choose to just accept whatever comes my way. Thanks for being a constant inspiration, my love.
Thank you for being a constant inspiration, confidant, dance partner, and all around best friend.
With no home.
No car.
No money.
No plan.
And right now, what I feel, is afraid.
Very stirring (and unnerving) words, indeed! But you also sum things up quite nicely in your closing…. “You have nothing to fear. I promise.”
With friends and family who love and care for you; you will always have a home, a way to get around, the means and resources to get by as you work on providing for yourself, and the counsel you will need from trusted advisers to help you devise and execute your plan.
As you wisely said, “You have nothing to fear. I promise.” And I promise you that as well.
Ahhh so beautifully written and so true! Thanks for this 🙂
Thank you for sharing something so real. It rare for people in this day and age to simply say they are afraid. But I find that the fear of something is often far worse then the actual thing itself. You have an amazing year under your belt, you know what you are capable of. Just as you and Jiggs just said. “You have nothing to fear. I promise.”
<3 <3 <3
🙂
With no home.
No car.
No money.
No plan.
Add “no limits” to that and what you are coming back to is a wealth of opportunity and a clean slate that few people have the courage to create. And fear truly is a construct of the mind. Danger might be real, but fear is a reaction. Good for you, for telling fear that it doesn’t have a home in you anymore.
That being said…. bundle up! It’s freaking COLD here in Seattle.
Yes, such an excellent addition to my list: “no limits”. We have no limits except the ones we create for ourselves. And how lucky am I, are we, to have no limits. And I will be digging my boots and sweaters out of storage as soon as I arrive. I’ll just need to make it from SeaTac to the car in my havaianas!
Just saying Hi and missing your posts…hope Seattle is good and your not too chilly. You will find you path and purpose there, that’s the wonderfulness of life and adventures!!