Last week in Panama City
strolling the streets of the old town, surrounded by stunning Colonial Spanish architecture
I was drawn to the dilapidated remnants, rather than the completed renovations.
Peeling patina revealing layers of the past.
Empty interiors allowing nature to take refuge.
Inhabited yet disheveled buildings made charming when donned with Christmas lights.
And marveling in their imperfect beauty, I began to ponder my own obsession with perfection.
Mornings I felt ugly because my clothes, my hair, my skin, my body did not look as beautiful as someone else’s.
Meals I begrudgingly served guests knowing they needed more salt, less oil, to be cooked longer, cooked less.
Words that stayed stuck in my head long after they left my lips that did not sound as intelligent, as interesting, as kind as they could have.
Projects I completed, products I designed, art I created that somehow should have been
so
much
more
perfect.
How I criticized the appearance of my home for not looking like an Elle Decor spread
when others entered in awe.
How I gave up theater, my passion for years, because after continuous rejection I believed I could never be the best
and instead pursued business, because I knew that there I could succeed.
How it took me nearly a year to start this blog because I did not think it could be good enough for someone to want to read
and that even now, each time I publish a post, I hesitate whether to dump it in the trash instead.
How when friends, boyfriends, strangers, hurt or dismissed me I thought it was because in some way I had failed them
by not being enough.
How I made the people I loved most feel like they weren’t enough because they could never be as perfect as I needed them to be.
I spent so much time holding myself back
hurting others
and not being happy
by thinking everything I did had to be so perfect
because if it wasn’t, then I wasn’t
and in not being perfect, in every way, to everyone, I wasn’t worth everything.
If you struggle, like I do, with wanting, with trying, to be perfect
please
find peace in knowing
that you are perfect
already
without even trying
because where you are right now is exactly where you are supposed to be
and if you were already what you thought was perfect
how could you possibly grow?
When I let go of my ideas about what I thought I should be
what I thought others wanted me to be
I opened myself to freedom, creative expression, and acceptance that I never imagined possible.
Sing because it lifts your spirit, even if you don’t reach all of the notes.
Dance because it makes you feel alive, it’s ok if other people stare.
Speak another language with gusto, regardless of your many mistakes.
Express yourself, in some way, any way, that feels good without judging the worth of it.
Rise on one foot with grace.
When you lose your balance, know that one day you will stand steady, and the next day you might fall.
And love your perfectly imperfect self who can and will change every day.
Wherever you are, whoever you are with, whatever is happening. It is all perfect.
Oh my dear, I don’t think you still know just how “perfect” you are!
Thanks for sharing your journey!
Thanks Mare 🙂 love you miss you!
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, you have no idea how much we all enjoy hearing your feelings, as we share many of those same feelings. Merry Christmas to you!
You are so welcome! It feels really good to know that my posts touch you 🙂
I hate you ever hesitated to start the blog… I feel like you are able to put into words everythng in my heart and mind! Amazing. I look forward to every post!!! Never stop 🙂
Aw thank you Emily, this is such a wonderful compliment. It warms my heart! xo
Put so eloquently – yet another post I can completely relate to.
Thank you Shelly! I’m so glad my posts resonate with you. I’ll have to check out your blog, I’m also interested in teaching abroad!
Tomorrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time – Ralph Waldo Emerson
🙂
oh my, simply amazing. Never dump a post, continue on, being imperfectly perfect. Thank you for sharing this glimpse into your life, I so look forward to each post and every picture.
Thank you Dominique. I truly appreciate having you stop by to read!
I find perfection in your imperfection. Your words not only inspire me but embody that which I fail to articulate. Plus, I love your photos.
Buffi thank you for the dear compliment. I’ll try to keep bringing the inspiration.
What a beautiful heart & soul you have, Camille. But I always knew that. So nice to see you stretching your wings and discovering!
Aw thanks 🙂 Lots of love!
Thanks for all this, dear Camille.. I love you!
You’re welcome. Love you too!!
This is so beautiful! I even made it into a laptop screen saver- you are truly a gifted writer!!!
I absolutely love this post! Such a refreshing change from so many cliché travel blogs I’ve seen, which are just collections of guides to already-popular attractions. This is much closer to what I aim to write. 🙂 And I’m glad there are people around with mindsets such as yours. Those are always the conversations that one remembers from travels.
Thank you Jonathan such a nice compliment 🙂 <3
Siiiim, I love all your posts and off course this one I had to read today , thank you so so so much for teaching me what real love for oneself is … i’ve been struggling with this for many years But I’m slowly shedding it all, and it’s like this rawness comes out and I’ve finally realised that I’m scared of it, even though I want too to shed lawyers, im super scared to look and actually fall in love with it, with myself…. letting go of that balance …. thank you again sister , you are a such special being , and im very grateful for all that you do and the way that you do 🌻
Aw bless you, you are so very worthy of love in all of your raw humanness <3 I love you!