Panama City Street Art

 

Last week in Panama City

strolling the streets of the old town, surrounded by stunning Colonial Spanish architecture

I was drawn to the dilapidated remnants, rather than the completed renovations.

 

Panama City Apartments

 

Peeling patina revealing layers of the past.

Empty interiors allowing nature to take refuge.

Inhabited yet disheveled buildings made charming when donned with Christmas lights.

 

Panama City Buildings

 

And marveling in their imperfect beauty, I began to ponder my own obsession with perfection.

 

Panama city steps

 

Mornings I felt ugly because my clothes, my hair, my skin, my body did not look as beautiful as someone else’s.

 

Meals I begrudgingly served guests knowing they needed more salt, less oil, to be cooked longer, cooked less.

 

apartments panama city

 

Words that stayed stuck in my head long after they left my lips that did not sound as intelligent, as interesting, as kind as they could have.

 

panama city church

 

Projects I completed, products I designed, art I created that somehow should have been

so

much

more

perfect.

 

panama city tree house

 

How I criticized the appearance of my home for not looking like an Elle Decor spread

when others entered in awe.

 

IMG_0157

 

How I gave up theater, my passion for years, because after continuous rejection I believed I could never be the best

and instead pursued business, because I knew that there I could succeed.

 

playground panama city

 

How it took me nearly a year to start this blog because I did not think it could be good enough for someone to want to read

and that even now, each time I publish a post, I hesitate whether to dump it in the trash instead.

 

street art panama city

 

How when friends, boyfriends, strangers, hurt or dismissed me I thought it was because in some way I had failed them

by not being enough.

 

How I made the people I loved most feel like they weren’t enough because they could never be as perfect as I needed them to be.

 

panama city park bench

 

I spent so much time holding myself back

hurting others

and not being happy

by thinking everything I did had to be so perfect

because if it wasn’t, then I wasn’t

and in not being perfect, in every way, to everyone, I wasn’t worth everything.

 

panama city architecture

 

If you struggle, like I do, with wanting, with trying, to be perfect

please

find peace in knowing

that you are perfect

already

without even trying

because where you are right now is exactly where you are supposed to be

and if you were already what you thought was perfect

how could you possibly grow?

 

Camille in Panama City

 

When I let go of my ideas about what I thought I should be

what I thought others wanted me to be

I opened myself to freedom, creative expression, and acceptance that I never imagined possible.

 

panama city view

 

Sing because it lifts your spirit, even if you don’t reach all of the notes.

Dance because it makes you feel alive, it’s ok if other people stare.

Speak another language with gusto, regardless of your many mistakes.

Express yourself, in some way, any way, that feels good without judging the worth of it.

Rise on one foot with grace.

When you lose your balance, know that one day you will stand steady, and the next day you might fall.

And love your perfectly imperfect self who can and will change every day.

 

panama city street art

 

Wherever you are, whoever you are with, whatever is happening. It is all perfect.

 

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