After nineteen hours, three exhausting bus rides, one border crossing, and a meal of plantain chips, yogurt, and cornmeal pudding, I have finally arrived in Panama City.
As I write this I am sitting in the lobby of a hostel, where I have been waiting, for the last two hours.
I made no reservation.
A few minutes ago, I discovered that the boat I planned to take directly to Cartagena
does not exist.
And yesterday was a first in nearly two months where my body did not move to the flow of yoga.
I feel out of balance.
I am fighting my urge to run back to my sources of comfort.
Back to Puerto Viejo where I have friends, a house, a routine.
Back to my mom who is baking at least three different treats as we speak, a full stick of butter nearby. Her comfy couch and an episode of Revenge waiting for me.
Back to biting my nails, a habit I owned since childhood that I finally let go of nine months ago
My thumbnail is being sacrificed as we speak.
But I know myself.
So I know
that when circumstances are unknown
when life becomes uncomfortable
to what is familiar.
Perhaps we all do.
is not what you hoped it would be
do you start
your escape home?
your former love?
when you felt content
to recreate them?
Can you let go of what was
open your eyes to what is
and allow for what is yet to be?
How much time have you spent
have I spent
that did not make you happy
you were too afraid
Traveling forces me to breathe through my discomfort
allow myself to adapt
and let go
of what is behind me
so that I might instead
No matter how uncomfortable or scary it may feel
I know that I can
and you can
absolutely do this.
Whatever this may be.