Panama City Skyline

 

After nineteen hours, three exhausting bus rides, one border crossing, and a meal of plantain chips, yogurt, and cornmeal pudding, I have finally arrived in Panama City.

 

As I write this I am sitting in the lobby of a hostel, where I have been waiting, for the last two hours.

I made no reservation. 

 

A few minutes ago, I discovered that the boat I planned to take directly to Cartagena

tomorrow

does not exist.

 

And yesterday was a first in nearly two months where my body did not move to the flow of yoga.

I feel out of balance.

 

IMG_0008

 

I am fighting my urge to run back to my sources of comfort.

 

Back to Puerto Viejo where I have friends, a house, a routine.

 

Back to my mom who is baking at least three different treats as we speak, a full stick of butter nearby. Her comfy couch and an episode of Revenge waiting for me.

 

Back to biting my nails, a habit I owned since childhood that I finally let go of nine months ago

My thumbnail is being sacrificed as we speak.

 

But I know myself.

 

Panama City Boats

 

So I know

that when circumstances are unknown

when life becomes uncomfortable

I cling

to what is familiar.

 

Perhaps we all do.

 

Panama City Apartments

 

When your

adventure

relationship

life

is not what you hoped it would be

do you start

packing

planning

your escape home?

 

Do you

think about

call

see

your former love?

 

Do you

reach

for memories

of times

when you felt content

and try

desperately

to recreate them?

 

Panama City Abandoned Building

 

Can you let go of what was

open your eyes to what is

and allow for what is yet to be?

 

How much time have you spent

have I spent

living

some way

somewhere

with someone

that did not make you happy

simply because

you were too afraid

to endure

the discomfort

of change?

 

Casco Viejo  in Panama City

 

Traveling forces me to breathe through my discomfort

allow myself to adapt

and let go

of what is behind me

so that I might instead

look around

enjoy

and trust

in the

amazing

life changing

experiences

ahead.

 

No matter how uncomfortable or scary it may feel

right now.

 

Casco Viejo Restaurant

 

I know that I can

and you can

absolutely do this.

 

Whatever this may be.

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Hello beautiful soul,
In August 2018 I stopped blogging as This American Girl. You can now find me at Camillewillemain.com where I'm sharing my retreats and courses.
Love, Camille