Sitting Still - This American Girl

on the beach

 

When you feel discomfort

do you shift

do you change

do you move?

 

Your hair

your partner

your job

your home

 

arrecife beach roots

 

Do you hop from one beach, one town, one country to another

hoping

to find contentment

somewhere, anywhere else?

 

Do you launch yourself into a new relationship

before the last one

even ended

because you’re so afraid

to sit

with your loss

alone?

 

Do you fill your day with appointments

projects

errands

dates

to distract yourself

from truly feeling

what is inside?

 

Instead, do you ever just sit? Still?

 

beach waves

 

I rearranged my apartment at least once a week

changed my outfit three times a day

spent no more than two days in one place while I traveled the world

 

and I never felt so lost

and so confused.

 

And then

I began

to sit still.

 

sailboat puerto viejo beach

 

When the rain persisted

for a month

I did not go running to another coast.

 

When the traveler, the adventurer inside of me

was screaming to escape

I let her rest.

 

When the heartbreak

I diverted

by running

when it felt too hard

came back

into my world

I stopped

and said hello.

And smiled.

And knew

that it was time

to stop running

and instead

to let it go.

 

arrecife beach tide

 

Because only in stillness do we have the clarity

to know

what we feel

what we want

what we need.

 

If it hurts

let it.

 

If you feel stuck

surrender.

 

If you think the pain will never subside

it will.

 

If you

just

let

it

be.

 

feet in waves

 

Tomorrow

I leave

for a new adventure

in Colombia

hoping

to keep

stillness

in my heart

and in my mind.

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