Do You Have it All?

cocles waves

 

Three days ago, I was mugged.

For the second time in my life.

For the first time traveling.

 

Don’t worry, I am more than ok. 

 

What I didn’t expect

was how attached

I had become

to my possessions.

 

trees cocles

 

How after leaving my home

selling my car

and trading in my stilettos for havaianas

 

I became helpless

without my iPhone

my camera

my kindle.

 

playa chiquita

 

How after my third time living in a parasite infested humidity stricken jungle

I felt sadness about losing

 

a faded bikini

a dog eared mildewed novel

a bottle of sunscreen acquired in Portugal

clearly I don’t protect my skin often enough…

 

cocles sunset

 

And wondered

why

I care

so much

about

stuff.

 

Why we all care, so much, about stuff.

 

sunset cocles

 

Is it because

we are so scared

that nothing is real

and nothing exists

unless we can touch it

see it

own it?

 

boat playa chiquita

 

That unless it lasts

forever

in our possession

it never meant

anything

at all?

 

cocles

 

With the understanding that no feeling

no experience

no person

lasts forever

 

do we look to physical objects, our possessions

 

to hold on

after the moment

the relationship

the dream

ends?

 

cocles

 

When we lose the object itself

do we finally feel

the actual loss?

 

Do we finally let go

of what we never owned

in the first place?

 

To allow new things to come?

 

driftwood

 

Today

I will try

to let go

of everything

except what I feel

in this moment.

 

cocles waves

 

The people I have loved.

The relationships I have endured.

The places I have been.

The dreams I have imagined.

The stories I have created.

 

And make room

for what is yet to come.

 

cocles

 

Trusting

that everything

changes

and that it is all

going to be

ok.